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With the premiere of The Simpson’s Movie just around the corner, the San Jose Mercury News decided to take a look at the show’s history of brining in athlete guest stars. Of course the most famous of all the athlete episodes is “Homer at the Bat”, which features appearances by Ken Griffey Jr., Steve Sax, Mike Soscia, Ozzie Smith, Jose Canseco, Wade Boggs, Roger Clemens, Daryl Strawberry and Don Mattingly.

The article is worth reading, if only for producer Al Jean’s revelation that only one of the 46 athletes who have appeared on the show have been difficult to work with. Can you guess who it is?

On the DVD commentary for the episode, Jean said that all the athletes were wonderful to deal with except for one “whose name rhymes with Manseco.”

Reached for this story, Canseco was in no mood to wax nostalgic. “That was 100 years ago,” he said. The phone line disconnected within seconds of the interview and subsequent calls were not returned.

Perhaps on that fateful day 15 years ago Canseco was just angry the taping went long and made him late for his appointment to inject steroids into Mark McGwire’s ass.

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Right now David Stern, Roger Goodell, and Bud Selig all have major problems, but at least they can take solace in the fact that they have nothing to do with Chilean soccer. Chile’s major problem began when the team boarded their bus after a heated 3-0 loss to Argentina in their U-20 World Cup semifinal match.

According to one officer at the scene, frustrated Chilean players had boarded the team bus after their 3-0 loss to Argentina in the Under-20 World Cup semifinal when they broke metal arm rests off the seats and used them to break bus windows.

The police then stepped in and a large scuffle ensued. Eventually the team was taken back into the stadium, and in the end nine players were detained. The fact that many them had been bloodied, pepper sprayed, and tasered has many people criticizing the Canadian police for using excessive force.

Ah, the Canadians and their legendary police brutality. At least the players had quality universal healthcare to help heal their injuries. The fracas outside the stadium was really just the culmination of a fierce match that also saw all of the following take place:

–Two Chilean players getting sent off for red cards.

–One player attempting to fight a referee–he was later suspended.

–One fan running onto the field and attempting to fight a referee.

–Fans pelting the referees with so many objects that after the game the refs had to sprint into the tunnel.

Also, let’s not forget that earlier in the month five players were suspended from the actual Chilean national team for coming back drunk to the team hotel, breaking furniture in the lobby, and harassing hotel guests. I don’t care how you look at it, for one team to accomplish all this in a month is pretty impressive.

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There’s a reason the Tour De France will never be fully respected in America, and it has nothing to do with the fact that every rider has a pint of lab blood in his veins (well, maybe a little). The reason the Tour will never be respected in America is that French people make a big deal out of things like public urination. In America Manny Ramirez can take a whiz in the Green Monster with 30,000 fans watching, but in France they don’t like it when exhausted cyclists go to the bathroom in front of a few crazy Tour De France enthusiasts who have been following them around the French countryside. This year Tour officials are laying down the law.

Through the first 12 stages of the Tour de France, at least 10 riders have been cited for violating Articles 12 and 29 of the cycling code, regarding correct comportment on the race course. According to the citations, the riders “satisfied nature’s need in front of the public.” The cost was 100 Swiss Francs per rider, or roughly $83.

Sometimes in can be difficult to find a place to go, but according to American David Sabriskie, you can still find relief even if there is no suitable spot.

“What’s really stressful is when you have to go from the bike” while it is moving, Zabriskie said.

That maneuver is performed by hiking up one leg of the bike shorts and pivoting the hips sideways to allow for relief. Sometimes a rider’s teammate will help steady his handlebars during that maneuver, making sure he is upwind.

I assume this is the kind of camaraderie Lance Armstrong was talking about when he thanked his teammates for helping him win so many races. There’s no bond like the one that’s formed by helping a fellow man urinate.

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ESPN really dropped the ball on this one. In an era when they’re willing to put almost anything or anyone on TV (see: Lopez, Mario) they somehow overlooked the wondrous events of the World Eskimo-Indian Olympics. The games were held last week in Anchorage and they featured grueling competitions such as the greased pole walk.

Here’s the drill: A wood pole about 12 feet long and perhaps 10 inches in diameter is lathered in Crisco. The bare-footed athlete steps onto the pole with the assistance of two spotters, one in front of them and one behind, finds balance with the arches of their feet on the pole, then lets go of the spotters.

Then begins the fun, and the slip-sliding away. The athlete must step sideways — either ankle-to-ankle in small steps or, for the more adventurous, by stepping sideways in a crossover maneuver, until slipping off the pole. The distance traveled is measured to judge the performance.

The all time men’s record is 13 feet, 6 inches, which means that actually getting across the pole is no easy task. While it may seem like a fringe sport, I think the greasy pole walk has a real future. It’s fun, challenging, and there’s no easy way to cheat with performance enhancing drugs.

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Those looking for an alternative to the standard Maryland license plates no longer have to support the Chesapeake Bay. In honor of Cal Ripken Jr’s impending Hall of Fame induction the state has approved a special Ripken license plate. While the pricey plates cost $54.95 for a set of two, the money does go to a good cause. All the proceeds will go to the Cal Ripken Sr. Foundation, a nonprofit that promotes youth baseball and softball for underprivileged kids. Stan Charles, the man behind the creation of the plates, also hopes they will have another benefit.

“Maybe the cars with the Ripken plates will last longer,” Charles said. “The Iron Man never broke down, so maybe the cars won’t break down, either.”

Regardless of whether or not the plates have any special powers, they’re the perfect way for Ripken fans to honor his career. They’re also a big improvement for anybody who made the ill-advised decision to buy license plates saluting Jay Gibbons’ career.

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(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

NBA referee Tim Donaghy is being investigated by the FBI for allegations that he bet on games he officiated. According to a law enforcement official, the bets were for thousands of dollars and were made on games during the last two seasons. In an attempt to show he’s tough on those who jeopardize the integrity of the game, Bud Selig has already banned Donaghy from the Baseball Hall of Fame.

NBC has announced that LeBron James will host this fall’s season premiere of Saturday Night Live. Normally the Cavs would frown upon a player engaging in an extracurricular activity so close to the season, but coach Mike Brown is hoping that legendary shooting guru Loren Michaels will be able to teach LeBron how to make a three pointer.

This week Nashville Predators fans held a rally to encourage the purchase of enough season tickets to convince the team not to move. To add an extra incentive, rally organizers took a page out of the the Major League playbook and removed a piece of clothing from a cardboard cutout of owner Craig Leopold every time a season ticket was purchased.

The NFL has fined Joey Porter $141,176 for punching Bengals tackle Levi Jones at a Las Vegas blackjack table last March. The fine is one of the biggest is the history of the NFL, but Roger Goodell explained that he needed to send a message to Porter because human violence is often a gateway to more destructive behavior—such as engaging in animal violence.

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–Michael Vick is already corrupting America’s youth. [Doberman on the Diamond]

–Snoop Dog is coming for Les Miles. [100% Injury Rate]

–Major League Baseball wants to put their logo on everything. [Deuce of Davenport]

–The NFL doesn’t mind making fun of the Raiders. [San Jose Mercury News via L.A. Times]

–First there was Anna Kournikova. Then Maria Sharapova came along and added winning the equation. One day the same thing could happen with Danica Patrick and this girl. [New York Times]

–Everything you need to know about what’s going on at the British Open. [Sons of Sam Malone]

–Be careful of what you put on your french fries at minor league baseball games. [The Big Picture]

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All week the thing that’s been on everybody’s mind is what George Steinbrenner thinks of his portayal in “The Bronx is Burning.” Well, the verdict is finally in and Steinbrenner is angry, but according to his publicist Howard Rubenstein, it’s mostly because of how the series is portraying his finely groomed head of hair and stylish wardrobe.

Rubinstein said one inaccuracy Steinbrenner talked about related to his personal grooming. “What he is saying is he didn’t like the hair they put on the guy,” referring to actor Oliver Platt.

“George’s hair is more neatly trimmed; he goes to the barber regularly. He didn’t deal with the inaccuracies other than the wig they put on him really wasn’t appropriate.”

Steinbrenner also related through Rubinstein that Platt’s clothing was un-George-like. “He said they put him in a blue blazer and he thinks he dresses better than the actor,” Rubinstein said. “He doesn’t want to knock the guy’s acting; he wants to knock his clothing and hairdo.”

If ESPN would have just forced Larry David to play Steinbrenner, everybody would have been happy.

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The U.S. is tired of being the world’s doormat for snow sports not involving a board of some kind. This week the United States Ski and Snowboard Association broke ground on a new $22.5 million facility that’s expected to open in 2009 and be the “world’s most advanced and comprehensive training center for snow sports.”

The complex will be called the “Center of Excellence”, and it will house a strength training area, a gym, a climbing wall, ski and snowboard ramps, trampolines, and a sports sciences center that can do physical testing and video analysis. Despite heavy lobbying from Bodie Miller, the facility will not include a 24 hour bar.

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You know that crazy guy at your golf course who is always trying to sell some cockamamie fix-your-swing invention he built in his garage—well, now he has someplace to take it. A new show on the Golf Channel called “Fore Inventors Only” is looking for the best new golf invention. The show even features Butch Harmon’s much lesser known brother, Bill Harmon, as one of its four panelists. Here’s a look at just a few of the inventions that made it past day two of the competition.

Bunker Buddy—A folding, collapsible, sand rake that golfers can wear on their belt or attach to their golf bag. It’s an excellent tool for the man with perfect golf etiquette. Now you’ll never have to leave your shoeprint in a bunker ever again, even if there’s no rake at the hole.

Golf Shoes With Integrated Bristles—These special shoes allow you to brush off debris from the club face. Now you can kick your club in frustration and clean it at the same time.

The Trunk Chair—A small seat that attaches to the trunk of a car. It can prevent the acute ass pain that results from having to sit on the edge of a trunk while you change your golf shoes.

Shaft Skinz—For the Ian Poulter fan who wishes golf was a more flamboyant sport, these shrink wraps can give your clubs some added personality. They’re the perfect gift for the man who likes covering everything he owns with leopard print.

Clean and Drop—This three in one towel dries and cleans balls and clubs. It’s perfect for the golfer who loves taking off his clothes and diving into a lake to retrieve his ball.

The winner of the competition will receive a fully developed infomercial, $50,000 worth of commercial and promotional air time on the Golf Channel, and shelfspace at Golfsmith for one year. Winning the competition will also allow one lucky contestant to officially go from “mentally unstable golf nut” to “successful businessman.”

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