Shakedownsports.com

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

A panel of arbitrators upheld Floyd Landis’ positive test results. The decision means that Landis will be stripped of his Tour de France title and he could face an additional two year ban from cycling. I guess Landis and his defense team didn’t make enough threatening phone calls.

Barry Bonds finally revealed what he thinks about the man who bought his 756th home run ball–Bonds called him and idiot and says the man wasted his money. Of course Bonds believes you should only spend money on things that allow you to make more money. Things such as the “cream” and the “clear.”

The Charlotte Bobcats finally acquired the domain name Bobcats.com, purchasing it this week from a bobcat breeder for $50,000. The purchase should spell the end of the team’s old official website, AdamMorrisonSucks.com.

The Cavs moved into a new $25 million practice facility this week, and as a joke somebody had the office of general manager and Duke alum Danny Ferry painted Tar Heel blue. What’s even worse is that the painters were paid with Visa and not American Express.

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There’s a reason the Tour De France will never be fully respected in America, and it has nothing to do with the fact that every rider has a pint of lab blood in his veins (well, maybe a little). The reason the Tour will never be respected in America is that French people make a big deal out of things like public urination. In America Manny Ramirez can take a whiz in the Green Monster with 30,000 fans watching, but in France they don’t like it when exhausted cyclists go to the bathroom in front of a few crazy Tour De France enthusiasts who have been following them around the French countryside. This year Tour officials are laying down the law.

Through the first 12 stages of the Tour de France, at least 10 riders have been cited for violating Articles 12 and 29 of the cycling code, regarding correct comportment on the race course. According to the citations, the riders “satisfied nature’s need in front of the public.” The cost was 100 Swiss Francs per rider, or roughly $83.

Sometimes in can be difficult to find a place to go, but according to American David Sabriskie, you can still find relief even if there is no suitable spot.

“What’s really stressful is when you have to go from the bike” while it is moving, Zabriskie said.

That maneuver is performed by hiking up one leg of the bike shorts and pivoting the hips sideways to allow for relief. Sometimes a rider’s teammate will help steady his handlebars during that maneuver, making sure he is upwind.

I assume this is the kind of camaraderie Lance Armstrong was talking about when he thanked his teammates for helping him win so many races. There’s no bond like the one that’s formed by helping a fellow man urinate.

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