Shakedownsports.com

I’m not sure too many people are going to be hiring him in the future (although he did do some noble work in getting Enron off the hook). Here a few of Hardin’s shrewd moves so far.

–Demanding a congressional hearing in which his client was repeatedly railed by the democratic members of Congress for being an arrogant liar—Somehow Hardin failed to foresee that the U.S. Government wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to clear the name of one of baseball’s most upstanding gentlemen. Additionally, Hardin let Clemens testify without any material beyond the “I worked hard” line he’d been peddling for the previous six weeks.

–Filing a defamation lawsuit against Brian McNamee without knowing whether there was any information that could prove Clemens’ name was already defamed—Either McNamee was so naive he didn’t believe Roger Clemens’ copious extramarital affairs would effect the suit, or he didn’t bother to find out all the pertinent information about his client. Whatever the case, that’s not good frivolous lawsuit management. On the plus side, Mindy McCready’s mom say she thinks Clemens is clean—you know, because her underage daughter definitely would have told her if the married man she was having an affair with was using performance enhancing drugs.

–Representing both Clemens and Andy Pettitte, the man who’s testimony contradicts that of Clemens—Yep, there’s nothing like representing the star witness for the other side. That’s a conflict of interest you can take all the way to the bank.

No Comments »

As Roger Clemens testified before congress about the perpetual purity of his urine, many people pointed out it appeared as though he was living in his own fantasy world. After Mindy McCready’s confirmation that, yes, she did in fact have an affair with Clemens, I think it’s time to consider the fact that Clemens may, in all seriousness, no longer be living in the same reality as the rest of us.

This was the statement released by Clemens’ lawyer yesterday:

At no time did Roger engage in any kind of inappropriate or improper relationship with her. It is unfortunate that the Daily News has chosen to report anonymous allegations that are completely unfounded, have no basis in fact, and have nothing to do with Roger’s baseball career or the issue of steroid use in baseball.

Why in the world would Roger Clemens attempt to refute this story? He knows it’s the truth. He knows people who know about it will testify under oath if it becomes relevant in his lawsuit. He knows that she’ll confirm the story. Why doesn’t he just say “no comment”?

Now Clemens has zero credibility. Before this week there were probably 5 or 10 people left out there who still believed he never used steroids. But how can they believe him when he says “I didn’t take steroids” and “I didn’t have an affair,” and the latter statement is proven to be false?

There’s no explanation for why Clemens would effectively proclaim himself a blatant liar by issuing such a straightforward denial of something he knows will be proven to be true. Clemens truly is living in some kind of fantasy world. He believes “I’m Roger Clemens, bitch,” and that whatever he says is the universal truth.

These must be some tough times for Virginia Foxx.

3 Comments »

Barry Bonds cheated. A lot. And although he didn’t come clean about it, he goal was never to put forth a river of lies. Bonds only needed to not go to prison, and to not have Major League Baseball suspend him or expunge his records. He lied to make sure he got those two things, but other than that he didn’t care if the entire American public thought he was a cheater. He understood the consequences of his actions and didn’t try to change them. Within that disconnected attitude was a certain kind of honesty; an acceptance of the punishment for his actions. You could even say that Bonds has done what most people would have done if they were in his situation (his 2007 situation, not his 2000-2005 situation).

Clemens has been the complete opposite , and that’s what makes him such a jackass. It wasn’t enough for him to escape legal and disciplinary action. He needed to keep his legacy, regardless of whether or not he got that legacy cheating. And so Clemens embarked on one of the most malicious and fallacious campaigns in the history of sports.

Bonds lied in response to questions that were being forced upon him. It was a passive kind of dishonesty. Clemens, on the other hand, initiated the lying. He went out of his way to try and deceive the American people. Instead of accepting his punishment (a tarnished legacy), Clemens made a mockery of the justice system in the hope of striking his steroid use from the record. That’s the reason he deserves to go down in history as somebody even more foul than Barry Bonds.

No Comments »

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–Florida State put its sports teams on two years of self-imposed probation as punishment for the entire football team cheating in class. Nevertheless, Florida State administrators are not too concerned—they say they know a guy who can help them serve two years of probation in only three months.

–Philadelphia appears to be on the verge of finally getting an MLS expansion team. Fans are already putting together a guide on how to boo the team in 23 different languages.

–Ryan Dempster announced that he believes the Cubs are going to win the Wold Series. Right. And Aramis Ramirez is going to be honored by Bud Selig for his prowess as a cockfighter.

–Forget about Roger Clemens—Matt Herges and Glenallen Hill admit to taking steroids!! I’d like to believe them, but part of me thinks they’re only pretending to come clean so they can be introduced to the titillating Virginia Foxx.

–Nike and Steve Nash announced plans to release a new shoe (the Nike Trash Talk Shoe) made partly from pieces of manufacturing waste. Among the different materials in the shoe will be scraps of leather waste from a factory floor, ground up rubber from recycled shoes, and what remains of Marcus Banks’ NBA career.

No Comments »

The only thing today’s Clemens-McNamee hearings made clear is that politicians are just like us. Some believe McNamee, some believe Clemens, and none are going to have their opinions swayed by any testimony. With minds already made up, today’s proceedings added no real insight we couldn’t have gotten from overhearing two drunk guys in a bar arguing about the situation.

But there is one Congresswoman whose close-mindedness and ignorance I have to mention. That woman is Virginia Foxx.

Her entire line of questioning basically amounted to “Roger, tell us what a great pitcher you are and how you couldn’t have used performance enhancers.” Then she put up a bunch of photos from different times  in Clemens’ career in which he looks very different, and pronounced there was no difference in his appearance. The pro-Clemens rhetoric was so astounding I expected her to get up from her chair, walk over to Clemens’ table, and put his balls in her mouth. She even had to be silenced by the gavel of Chairman Waxman because she was interrupting others in order to defend Clemens.

That was bad enough, but was happened after the hearing is what inspired the vitriol in this post. Immediately after Waxman announced the hearing was over Foxx got up from her chair, walked to witness table, and shook Clemens’ hand and hugged his wife. (Watch the video. It’s on there. I hope to have a photo of it up soon.)

How is that acceptable? She’s supposed to be an impartial arbiter. And if she’s not, she should at least have the guise of impartiality. It’s one thing for her line of questioning to favor Clemens—most of the people on the panel picked a side. But to publicly display her affection for one witness while the cameras are rolling and everybody is still in the room is absurd, unprofessional, and even corrupt. Oh by the way, Foxx was one of only 11 members of Congress to vote against giving aid to Katrina victims. (There’s nothing like drudging up old voting records to attack a person’s character)

Making the full transition from sports to politics, this is one reason why I’m so excited about Barack Obama. He often talks about creating transparency in the government and putting more of what it does on TV. After today I’m even more in favor of that idea. In five minutes of watching Foxx talk I learned more about her than I would have from closely following her campaign for months. I learned how she actually does her job. (The answer is not very well). When was the last time you could say that about a member of Congress?

4 Comments »

There’s a spot in the Mitchell Report where Brian McNamee mentions he spoke about steroids with Roger Clemens and Jose Canseco at a Canseco family house party. But yesterday a mysterious “lawyer” revealed that Canseco says Clemens was never at the party. Hmm. That is one crazy little story. Here’s what actually happened with Canseco and Clemens:

Two days ago Clemens sent Canseco a letter:

Dearest Jose,

My wife is an HGH-pumping freak. My son isn’t even good enough to make the Major Leagues. All I have in life is my athletic legacy. I need to hold on to that. I don’t care what the price is. I know you need money. If you sign a sworn statement for me, I will finance a Michael Bay movie for you. I will take care of you for the rest of your life. Do you know how much money I have? Last year they were paying me fifty grand for every pitch I threw. Sign these papers and I will be a bottomless ATM.

Sincerely,

Roger ( Customer #24)

It was a no-brainer for Canseco. The guy just wants to be filthy rich again. Is that too much to ask? That’s all he wants. To fade off into the sunset in a pile of expensive hookers and muscle creams. This will work out great for Canseco. His journey is over. He can finally rest.

No Comments »

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–Remember Brock Lesnar? He’s the former college and WWE wrestler who once tried to make the Vikings as a defensive lineman. Now he’s an MMA fighter and he just lost his debut. Not everything in this world is as easy as sacking Damon Huard.

–Rutgers coach Gregg Schiano has been using a helicopter to visit potential recruits in New Jersey and New York. Schiano says that not only is it much more efficient, but the “wow” factor of landing a helicopter on a football field is also useful. I don’t know if the “wow” factor actually has an effect, but the helicopter is definitely better than Schiano’s old strategy of showing up in an old Chevy reeking of New Jersey factory waste.

–Kobe Bryant is going to participate in this year’s three point shooting contest. I’m assuming Bryant’s publicist decided that since his client is attempting to exude an “I’m not a rapist” persona, it would be beneficial for him to stop repeatedly shafting his fans.

–Maurice Greene, the sprinter with a tattoo proclaiming himself the “Greatest of All Time,” is retiring. Greene cited nagging injuries for the decision, but we all know the real reason—he has to wait too long to take locker room shits because all the stalls are full of people injecting themselves with steroids.

No Comments »

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–Tom Brady was named NFL MVP after receiving 49 out of the possible 50 votes. Brett Favre came in a distant 2nd, but it’s just as well he didn’t win. There’s no doubt some horrible tragedy (probably hurricane destruction) would have befallen the award if it was put in Favre’s possession.

–Major League Baseball and the NFL have each pledged $3 million to the USOC to fund anti-doping research. Hey that’s good. Instead of spending money on immediately ridding their leagues of performance enhancing drugs, MLB and the NFL are spending money so that they can ignore a bunch of new research ten years from now.

–The World Series Trophy will go on a mini-tour in the state of Connecticut. I’m really not sure this is a good idea—there are a lot of Yankee fans in Connecticut. The Red Sox should make sure to do extensive background checks on everybody who wants to see the trophy—or at least make them correctly answer a few Red Sox trivia questions. The team does not want to let any Yankee fans steal some of the aura of the trophy.

–A woman who was assaulted by a drunken Dodger fan in the stadium parking lot back in 2005 is suing the team for $1 million for failing to adequately protect her. The team says that at the time all their security was busy protecting Eric Gagne’s latest shipment of steroids.

And don’t forget this week’s picks.

No Comments »

The battle gearing up between Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee (the man who allegedly punctured the skin of Clemens’ ass with a steroid needle) is underway and has no clear end in sight. But before everybody gets swept up in talk of legal strategy, witnesses, and finely crafted statements, we should all take a step back and appreciate how this is one of most interesting and unique legal and PR battles of all time.

Basically, the whole thing amounts to a simple “he said/she said” fight. Two people claim they are telling the truth and that the other is lying. Only one can be right. This sort of thing has probably going on since the beginning of time. I’m sure that on the banks of the Euphrates River in good ol’ Mesopotamia there were countless times where a shepherd’s sheep west missing and there were only two suspects. Each suspect would claim they were innocent and that the other shepherd was lying.

What’s remarkable about the Clemens-McNamee dispute is that every part of it is playing out in the public eye. More than any event in recent memory (except perhaps O.J.) it doesn’t matter who the judge thinks is telling the truth. The court of public opinion is the only thing that matters. Sure, the judge will be sitting there banging his gavel, but Clemens doesn’t care what he thinks. He only cares what the American people think (and what the Hall of Fame voters will think 5 years from now).

The other remarkable thing about the lawsuit is that there’s really nothing tangible (such as a sheep) at stake. The whole battle is over the abstract idea of Clemens’ “legacy” and “good name.” Usually most defamation suits that are about a “good name” are actually about money, this one really isn’t. Both Clemens’ playing days and big-money endorsement days are over. This might be the first defamation of character lawsuit in the history of the world that actually is solely about the defamation of a person’s character, and not the money affected by that character.

In the end it all comes down to this: Do you believe the testimony of guy who had nothing to gain from talking (and probably a good deal to lose), or do you believe the guy who refused to talk to the people investigating steroids and only issued a delayed and calculated denial after he was implicated?

(Just for the record, I think Clemens took steroids—a lot them. I’m basing this on two things. The first is that Clemens suddenly got really good at pitching at a time when biology suggests other things should have been happening. The second is that arguably the two most dubious things in the Mitchell Report (the paragraphs about Brian Roberts and Andy Pettite) have been proven to be true—so why should we doubt a piece of the Mitchell Report that seems extremely plausible?)

No Comments »

(Every week there are a number of stories that slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. Here are just a few of them.)

–On Sunday night Roger Clemens will appear on 60 Minutes to deny that he took steroids. Unfortunately, about 40 minutes into the show Clemens severely damages his credibility when he denies he has ever appeared on 60 Minutes.

–Jose Canseco finalized a book deal for a sequel to “Juiced” that is tentatively titled “Vindicated.” Canseco says the book will be a lot like the Mitchell Report, only he won’t leave out all the guys on the Red Sox who did steroids.

–The Bucs and Ticketmaster announced they will no longer restrict sales of tickets to the Bucs-Giants game to Florida residents. Hey look, something that could maybe, kind of, possibly be construed as a victory for the Hillary Clinton campaign.

–ESPN is reporting that the Celtics lead the NBA in merchandise sales. The team credits the sales to new add campaign in which Kevin Garnett threatens to eat Boston residents if they don’t buy jerseys. If this keeps up, Brian Scalabrine could have himself a post-NBA career as an Abercrombie model.

And finally, some playoff picks.

No Comments »