Archive for the 'Weekly Shakedown' Category

The Weekly Shakedown

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–Last Tuesday Kevin Durant was booed when he went home sick just before tip-off. Oh also, it was “Kevin Durant Bobblehead Night.” Durant then made things even worse when he later revealed he went to Oklahoma city to receive treatment.

–On April 11th the Rocket will unveil a monument honoring Hakeem Olajuwon. Just one week later, in a much less publicized move, the Blazers will name a lower concourse restroom stall after Sam Bowie.

–The NFL’s competition committee is discussing the possibility of giving one defensive player on each team a radio receiver in his helmet. I’m not so hot on the plan. Don’t Ray Lewis and Joey Porter already hear enough voices in their head?

–Attention San Diego State fans: Your dark days are over. DirecTV has reached a deal with the Mountain West Conference to carry the conference’s new television network. Finally, a reason to be happy I have Comcast.

–The Falcons won their draft coin toss. They will now pick 3rd and the Raiders will pick 4th, but the important thing about the coin flip is that it won Michael Vick three cartons of cigarettes.

No Comments »

The Weekly Shakedown

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–Florida State put its sports teams on two years of self-imposed probation as punishment for the entire football team cheating in class. Nevertheless, Florida State administrators are not too concerned—they say they know a guy who can help them serve two years of probation in only three months.

–Philadelphia appears to be on the verge of finally getting an MLS expansion team. Fans are already putting together a guide on how to boo the team in 23 different languages.

–Ryan Dempster announced that he believes the Cubs are going to win the Wold Series. Right. And Aramis Ramirez is going to be honored by Bud Selig for his prowess as a cockfighter.

–Forget about Roger Clemens—Matt Herges and Glenallen Hill admit to taking steroids!! I’d like to believe them, but part of me thinks they’re only pretending to come clean so they can be introduced to the titillating Virginia Foxx.

–Nike and Steve Nash announced plans to release a new shoe (the Nike Trash Talk Shoe) made partly from pieces of manufacturing waste. Among the different materials in the shoe will be scraps of leather waste from a factory floor, ground up rubber from recycled shoes, and what remains of Marcus Banks’ NBA career.

No Comments »

The Weekly Shakedown

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–Remember Brock Lesnar? He’s the former college and WWE wrestler who once tried to make the Vikings as a defensive lineman. Now he’s an MMA fighter and he just lost his debut. Not everything in this world is as easy as sacking Damon Huard.

–Rutgers coach Gregg Schiano has been using a helicopter to visit potential recruits in New Jersey and New York. Schiano says that not only is it much more efficient, but the “wow” factor of landing a helicopter on a football field is also useful. I don’t know if the “wow” factor actually has an effect, but the helicopter is definitely better than Schiano’s old strategy of showing up in an old Chevy reeking of New Jersey factory waste.

–Kobe Bryant is going to participate in this year’s three point shooting contest. I’m assuming Bryant’s publicist decided that since his client is attempting to exude an “I’m not a rapist” persona, it would be beneficial for him to stop repeatedly shafting his fans.

–Maurice Greene, the sprinter with a tattoo proclaiming himself the “Greatest of All Time,” is retiring. Greene cited nagging injuries for the decision, but we all know the real reason—he has to wait too long to take locker room shits because all the stalls are full of people injecting themselves with steroids.

No Comments »

The Weekly Shakedown

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–Tom Davis (the congressman who presided over the 2005 House hearing on steroids) announced that he will retire. Clearly the pressure of trying to run the country and keep Jose Canseco happy was too much for Davis to take.

–NBA China has reached an agreement to help design, market, program, and operate Beijing’s Olympic Basketball venue. In return for the opportunity to further market itself to China, all the NBA had to do was give the country 5 million Yao Ming autographs and 700,000 Yi Jianlian bobblehead dolls.

–The Rangers retired Brian Leetch’s #2 jersey, raising it to the rafters between fellow 1994 Stanley Cup winners Mike Richter and Mark Messier. I assume the franchise will continue to live in the only successful part of its recent past by eventually retiring the numbers of Jeff Beukeboom and Alexander Karpotsev.

–A Kansas State assistant coach was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence just hours after the his team upset #2 Kansas. It’s so nice to see that even though Bob Huggins is now at West Virginia, his legacy still lives on.

No Comments »

The Weekly Shakedown


(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–C.C. Sabathia was named Cleveland’s athlete of the year, beating out Lebron James and Braylon Edwards. That’s not all. For his role in helping the Red Sox advance to the World Series Sabathia is also in the running to be named Boston’s athlete of the year.

–Warriors forward Matt Barnes was forbidden to play in a game earlier this week because a clerical error left him off the Warriors active roster. Instead of including Barnes, the roster listed Mickael Pietrus in two spots. The Warriors say they will no longer let Pietrus’ mom type up the roster.

–A brawl outside a high school basketball game resulted in two injured police officers and 15 teenagers being placed under arrest. It looks like somebody’s ready for college….

–The Suns announced plans to play an outdoor preseason game next October at the Indian Wells Tennis Garden. Only one official will be allowed on the floor and he’ll have to sit in a chair at half court, but if anything that will make the officiating better.

No Comments »

The Weekly Shakedown

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–UCLA is asking fans to refrain from bothering John Wooden during Bruins home games. The legendary coach’s family says he often can’t pay attention to the actual game because fans seeking autographs line up outside his aisle. I’m sure that’s part of it, but we all know the real reason Wooden doesn’t want to be bothered—the Bruins cheerleader dance routines.

–Bulls rookie JamesOn Curry was arrested after he was caught urinating in public. However, contrary to initial reports, Curry wasn’t arrested for the actual urinating, but because he ran way from police once he was spotted. Apparently public urination in the state of Idaho is generally punished with just a warning ticket. Curry really should known all that—after all, state’s new license plate reads “Idaho: Our Soil is Your Urinal.”

–LSU’s Board of Directors has approved a plan that will raise ticket prices by about $5 a game. That won’t make fans happy, but the money to replace deceased tigers and keep Les Miles with a full supply of hats has to come from somewhere.

–Capitals center Michael Nylander will miss the rest of the season with a shoulder injury. When the Oilers heard the news the team immediately called him to express their satisfaction and tell him to go to hell.

No Comments »

The Weekly Shakedown

(Every week there are a number of stories slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. These are just a few of them.)

–Tom Brady was named NFL MVP after receiving 49 out of the possible 50 votes. Brett Favre came in a distant 2nd, but it’s just as well he didn’t win. There’s no doubt some horrible tragedy (probably hurricane destruction) would have befallen the award if it was put in Favre’s possession.

–Major League Baseball and the NFL have each pledged $3 million to the USOC to fund anti-doping research. Hey that’s good. Instead of spending money on immediately ridding their leagues of performance enhancing drugs, MLB and the NFL are spending money so that they can ignore a bunch of new research ten years from now.

–The World Series Trophy will go on a mini-tour in the state of Connecticut. I’m really not sure this is a good idea—there are a lot of Yankee fans in Connecticut. The Red Sox should make sure to do extensive background checks on everybody who wants to see the trophy—or at least make them correctly answer a few Red Sox trivia questions. The team does not want to let any Yankee fans steal some of the aura of the trophy.

–A woman who was assaulted by a drunken Dodger fan in the stadium parking lot back in 2005 is suing the team for $1 million for failing to adequately protect her. The team says that at the time all their security was busy protecting Eric Gagne’s latest shipment of steroids.

And don’t forget this week’s picks.

No Comments »

The Weekly Shakedown

(Every week there are a number of stories that slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports. Here are just a few of them.)

–On Sunday night Roger Clemens will appear on 60 Minutes to deny that he took steroids. Unfortunately, about 40 minutes into the show Clemens severely damages his credibility when he denies he has ever appeared on 60 Minutes.

–Jose Canseco finalized a book deal for a sequel to “Juiced” that is tentatively titled “Vindicated.” Canseco says the book will be a lot like the Mitchell Report, only he won’t leave out all the guys on the Red Sox who did steroids.

–The Bucs and Ticketmaster announced they will no longer restrict sales of tickets to the Bucs-Giants game to Florida residents. Hey look, something that could maybe, kind of, possibly be construed as a victory for the Hillary Clinton campaign.

–ESPN is reporting that the Celtics lead the NBA in merchandise sales. The team credits the sales to new add campaign in which Kevin Garnett threatens to eat Boston residents if they don’t buy jerseys. If this keeps up, Brian Scalabrine could have himself a post-NBA career as an Abercrombie model.

And finally, some playoff picks.

No Comments »

The Weekly Shakedown

(Every week there are a number of stories that slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports.  These are just a few of them.)

–Chris Webber is reportedly considering making a comeback with the Pistons and could return as soon as January. Awesome. If Webber returns he could team with Antonio McDyess to form an unstoppable one-two punch of aging big men with no cartilage left in their knees.

–Tickemaster and the NFL have signed a deal to join forces in creating a website where people can re-sell NFL tickets. The goal is get back ticket revenues the league is losing to other resale website such as StubHub. With so many crappy teams nobody wants to see, that’s a lot of revenue.

–The Penguins and Flyers are considering playing an outdoor game on the campus of Penn State. Flyers G.M. Paul Holmgren thinks the game could draw as many as 100,000 people, at least 80,000 of which should make it to the end of the game without being kicked out for drunken fighting.

–The Orioles are quietly raising ticket prices again. The hike may sound unnecessary, but carefully crafted PR statements that distance the team from steroids don’t grow on trees.

No Comments »

The Weekly Shakedown


(Every week there are a number of stories that slip through the cracks here at ShakedownSports.  These are just a few of them.)

–The Blazers announced that they plan to sell the naming rights to the Rose Garden. Although Paul Allen says he is in talks with both regional and national firms, if Greg Oden makes a full recovery the team might just name the arena after his orthopedic surgeon.

–Thirty-two years after he left Alabama, Joe Namath is finally getting his degree. The accomplishment allows Namath to make good on his much less-publicized guarantee that he would graduate from college.

–The Chicago History Museum paid $100,000 to win an auction for a set of documents, letters, and memos regarding the 1919 Black Sox scandal. The new Black Sox display will be built in the space that was reserved for Mark Prior’s lifetime achievement exhibit.

–The IOC denied Tibet’s application to field a team in the 2008 Olympics. The decision is a tough break for Tibet’s #1 ranked “achieving inner peace” team.

And don’t forget the Week 15 picks.

 

No Comments »

Next »